How to Understand Your Values

How to Understand Your Values No matter how fast you travel, youll never reach your destination if youre headed in the wrong direction. Throughout my roughly four decades on this planet, Ive learned that the best way to live a meaningful life is to align your short-term actions with your long-term values; that is, to make your future self proud of your present self. Otherwise, youll careen from one pleasurable experience to another, which might feel nice in the moment, but it will leave a void because ephemeral pleasure often gets in the way of lasting joy. Thus, its important to know your valuesâ€"they illuminate the direction in which you must travel to experience a fulfilling life. There are at least two reasons people dont understand their values: First, we dont stop to question what they are, and so our values are shaped by pop culture, the media, and the influence of others. Second, we dont understand that some values are more important than others. If youre reading this, youre already making progress against that first hurdle: youre questioning your values. Bravo! As youre pondering, though, its equally important to understand that not all values are created equal; some are, in fact, not values at all, which means they get in the way of whats truly important. Thats why I separate my values into four distinct categories. Note: at the bottom of this essay, youll find The Minimalists free, printable Values Worksheet that will help you categorize your values. Foundational Values Every home must be built on a sturdy foundation. You can own a beautiful house, but it will sink into the ground if its foundation isnt solid. The same is true with your values. While most people have different values overall, we tend to share similar Foundational Values: Health Relationships Creativity Growth Contribution These are the unshakeable principles by which I live my life. So whenever Im feeling unfulfilled, I check to see whether Im neglecting any of them. You may have other values as part of your foundation, but these five are nearly universal. To better understand our foundations, Ryan I wrote our first book, Minimalism: Live a Meaningful Life, about these five shared values. Structural Values Once a foundation is established, a framework is erected. While every house has a framework, each home is different: some are made with steel and bolts; some are built with wood or brick; others are formed with concrete or cement. The same is true with your values. Your Structural Values make you who you areâ€"they are your personal values. Heres a list of mine with a personal definition for each: Autonomy: freedom from external control. Certainty: having ones basic needs met. Character: living congruently with one’s values. Communication: clear exchange and expression of information. Confidence: steadfast action in the face of challenges. Compassion: logical understanding of others’ struggles. Curiosity: desire to question anything. Focus: sustained concentration on creative tasks. Freedom: discipline coupled with the ability to walk away from anything. Free speech: ability to say what needs to be said. Grace: unearned love. Gratitude: appreciation and kindness; celebration of circumstances, good or bad. Humility: clarity of self. Humor: ability to laugh and to make people laugh. Insight: the product of information, knowledge, and wisdom. Integrity: wholeness; when one’s values are congruent with their actions. Intimacy: shared close connections with others. Leadership: ability to inspire others and move them in the same direction. Listening: hear what others say to understand their point of view. Mobility: unfettered by geography. Morality: consistently doing what’s right. Quality: better but fewer; the result of intention. Resources: skills, time, energy, attention, and money last. Respect: admiration for abilities, qualities, and achievements. Responsibility: willingness to make things better. Restraint: ability to avoid impulse. Self-care: maintenance of personal well-being. Sexuality: sharing intimate experiences with a trusted partner. Significance: earning positive attention. Solitude: time alone, not interacting with others. Stillness: freedom from external influence. Trust: ability to rely on others. Truth: real-world facts and personal realities. Variety: embraced uncertainty; diversity of experience. Vision: ability to make decisions today that will serve the greater good tomorrow. Vulnerability: courage to act irrespective of outcome. Wisdom: learned experience that allows us to avoid unnecessary suffering. Your structure is very important, second only to your foundation. As you gain experience, your Structural Values may change slightly over time, but much like your home, the structure tends to remain the same once its built. Unless, of course, you embark on a serious remodeling project, which is always a possibility. When I left the corporate world at age 30, I took a wrecking ball to my old values and constructed a new life based on my new Structural Values. Surface Values After your foundation is set and your frame is in place, your home is beautified by its exterior. While this facade is not as critical as the structure itself, whats on the surface makes your house interesting and unique and enjoyable. The same is true with your Surface Values. These minor values play an important role in adding variety and diversity to your life. But just because they are minor, that doesnt mean they dont have a major impact on your overall life satisfaction; they are minor only relative to the more important values listed above, but they are a crucial component of a well-rounded life. Here are a few of mine at the moment: Aesthetics Art Basketball Cleanliness Coffee Comfort Discomfort Entertainment Environment Guitar Investments Meditation Music Podcasting Planning Property Reading Style Teaching Technology Thinking Twitter Tools Writing As your interests change, your Surface Values may shift dramatically from month to month, year to year, decade to decade. Just as you might keep your house feeling fresh by repainting or incorporating new plants, you can keep your life feeling fresh by making sure your minor values match your current interests and desires. If one stops adding value, its no longer of value, so let it go with abandon. You can always pick it up again in the future if you change your mind. Imaginary Values Say youve built a magnificent home on a solid foundation with a sturdy structure and even a beautiful facade. Thats the equivalent of living a meaningful life. Unfortunately, thats not what usually happens. If we spend any time at all contemplating our values, we usually obsess over our Imaginary Values, which arent even part of our value hierarchy. Imaginary Values are merely obstacles that get in our way. They are like a fence around the home weve constructed; we cant get in unless we eliminate the barrier. Here are a few of the Imaginary Values that sometimes prevent me from feeling fulfilled: Busyness Complaining Consumerism Craving Dogma Ego Email Expectations Impulse Insecurity Isolation Jealousy Luxury Negativity Obligation Overcommitting Overreacting Procrastination Productivity Public opinion Rumination Self-doubt Social media Scarcity Skepticism Television Vanity Im sure there are others obstacles in my life. As a matter of fact, I guarantee there will be others because once were content, were good at distracting ourselves with shiny new objects and offerings. We build well-decorated prison cells adorned with epherma and then complain about our self-imposed incarceration. But we must break through our obstacles to live a meaningful life. It was Ryan Holiday who showed us that the obstacle is the way, and if I were to append his message, Id say this: the only way to live a meaningful life is to get our Imaginary Values out of the way and then prioritize our higher-order values accordingly. How to Use These Values Everyone is different. My Structural Values might qualify as your Surface Values, or even your Imaginary Valuesâ€"and vice versa. And that’s okayâ€"ideal even. Our differences make life interesting. Imagine how boring things would be if everyone was exactly like me, or exactly like you. To help you identify your own values, The Minimalists and our friends from SPYR created this printable values worksheet: Free Download Values WorksheetEnter your email address below and well send our printable values worksheet directly to your inbox right now. 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And if that person is willing, review their worksheet with them. Youll soon discover that once you understand your valuesâ€"and the values of those closest to youâ€"youll understand how to interact with them more effectively, which will improve the relationship and help you both grow in exciting, unexpected ways. At the beginning of each year, my wife and I review our values together, which not only helps me better communicate with herâ€"it also helps me understand how I can be the best version of myself. Subscribe to The Minimalists via email.